This.

Nam myoho renge kyo

Government Cheese

Did you ever have the fortune to eat government cheese?

It was really kind of gross. It was fine for shit like a grilled cheese sandwich. But you wouldn't ever want to cut yourself a slice of it and eat it with a pickle or anything. It was all dry and crumbly and it tasted like plastic or something. Waxy garbage.

We called it Reagan Cheese.

And there was Reagan butter also. That stuff was awful.Tasted terrible on toast.

I'm not feeling very wordy tonight. So enjoy this cereal commercial starring Tori Amos from the glory of the 80's.



So good. So damn good.

Sweet childhood memories....

When I was a child, my cousin Rachel and I had a game that we played every time we spent time together. It was something that we just had to do. It didn't feel right if we neglected to play this game. It was so fulfilling. So crucial to our existences.

We pretended that we were babysitters that flushed the children down the toilet if they were bad.

We would first just pretend that we were babysitting. But then, those damn children (her stuffed animals) would really start to get on our nerves. Whining to us. Crying. Asking us for food. And so we pretty much pretended that we were murdering them. Pretty much.

Looking back...it's amazing that we turned out to be the fine, upstanding citizens you see today.

Another game we played quite frequently:
We were employees at a store. I don't remember what kind of store it was. The important thing was that our boss, "Miss Jupiter", who was played by Rachel's giant Raggedy Anne doll, was a real raging bitch. And the highlight of this?

We murdered her. Every. Time. We. Played. This.

I'm not sure why we always had to include murder in our make-believe world. But we did.

And we turned out just fine.

Nice sword, bimbo.

This is really one of the most ridiculous videos ever made. Tori Amos was a real litte slattern before she made it big. This shit is babyshowers.

Look at my finger.

When I was about 8 years old I started getting into trouble with my dirty little mouth.

I think the first incident was when I called my aunt a bimbo. I had no idea what that meant.

Then one day over at Grandma's, while having a nice little family viewing of that triumph of filmmaking Lady Hawke, I shouted "COCKSUCKER!" to the VCR when the tape stopped abruptly. I had no idea what that meant.

The entire room dropped its jaws to the floor and shot me with eye lasers. My grandmother, shrieked at me "What did you say??!!"

Me: I was talking to the TV.
Grandma: I don't care.
Me: Well, Rob says it all the time. (Sorry Rob.)
Grandma: I don't care.

Sometime after that, I remember watching some movie. I think it was Bachelor Party. Don't remember the movie, but I remember one line. And I said it to my brother the next day. In the living room. With my head on my mom's lap.

"Kevin, It seems like it was only yesterday that I taught you how to give a blowjob."

I had no idea what that meant.

But my face got a little bit slapped for that one.

And lastly, one day I asked my mother if I were allowed to say "crap" (I was about 10 at the time). She said that it wouldn't be a big deal if I said it. She emphasized something about using it appropriately and in the correct context or some such nonsense- I don't know, I stopped listening.

That night I informed my brother Kevin, "I can say "crap" now and I won't get in trouble."
The following scene ensued:

Kevin: No you can't.
Me: Yes I can. WATCH. (calling down the hall) Hey, Mama, what's for dinner?
Mom: Such and such blah blah blah (it was probably venison stew or something...)
Me: THAT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP!!!!!
Mom: (flying down that hallway and in my face in the time it takes me to blink) What sayest thou, ye wretch, ye spawn of demonic filth!? (or a similar, modern castigation)

I think after that I started being a little more careful with my words.

I died from minerality and became vegetable;

And From vegetativeness I died and became animal.

I died from animality and became man.

Then why fear disappearance through death?

Next time I shall die

Bringing forth wings and feathers like angels;

After that, soaring higher than angels -

What you cannot imagine,

I shall be that.

-Rumi

Just watched the movie Kick Ass. It did.

Symbols

I dreamed last night that there was a wall of tornadoes coming for us. I ran inside and found my grandmother and grabbed her hand and we prayed together and then I went back outside and the tornadoes had vanished. Interesting....

Then I dreamed I had painted my upstairs neighbor's bookshelf glittery gold and I couldn't believe how foolish I was to think he'd never notice. Also interesting.

Once I hid a piece of gross Easter candy under a rock because I didn't like it. Weeks later, when I no longer had any candy, the gross candy sounded good again. I went to the rock and lifted it. The candy was gone. I was saddened....I came back several times over the course of a month or so to check to see if the candy had come back, but it was gone. ... Do what you will with that little koan.

It's raining and wine is a friend.

Innocence

Such a relief it is to suddenly discover that you were born free.

Nam myoho renge kyo.
Tonight I received the Gohonzon. I don't really have words. Really happy.

I don't really have anything to say.

Oh...except this guy is perhaps the scariest and grossest looking man I've ever seen. And I think it's pretty telling that he said that his #1 priority is getting Obama out of office. Nice. I thought your #1 priority might be the FUCKING ECONOMY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.


Goodnight, darlings.

So I'm off to an amazing start. I didn't even post on Day 2 of this blog month thing. But bitches, I was so exhausted yesterday. From the moment I walked in the door at work, people were after me for something. They wanted my blood, I tell you.
Rubber stamps, printer toners, petty cash, more petty cash, break coverage, freaking brad fastener thingies, more petty cash, a demand for quiche, and cries of "it's too cold in here, fix it!". But I survived. Only to go home, wash the dishes, deposit my paycheck, drop off my neighbor's ballot, buy a gift card at Macy's, then ride the bus to the Buddhist center where I chanted for an hour with lots of other lovely people which finally made me able to have the energy and determination needed to make the quiche that had been demanded for the next day's work potluck. And boy did I make it and boy was it tasty.

I had a dream that my iPod was broken. Thrilling dream, I tell you. It doesn't more vivid than that.

Kitzhaber won. I probably wouldn't have cried if Dudley won. He's not the worst politician ever.

I'm very glad the election is over.

Hmm. I jogged.

That's all.

Here's what happened

1) Eric stole someone's jacket accidentally.
2) Eric fell off a bike indoors which he intended to ride into a photo.
3) Hannah decided to go inside an empty tour bus.
4) Cyrus shut the door on the tour bus.
5) Hannah really got trapped on the bus.
6) We met up with Madame Shopping Cart.
7) Cyrus broke his finger... somehow.
8) John pretended to win the raffle. He was denied a twinkie.
9) Eric tried to pole dance a tree but fell down.
10) Cyrus tried to pole dance a big pole.
11) Hannah really drunk-dialed her landlord, possibly while she was trash-talking said landlord.
12) John pulled a random jello shot lid out of his dress in front of a crowd of stunned observers.
13) John put the lid in his wallet...for some reason.
14) India stayed out all night even though she had to work at 8.
15) Cyrus couldn't get his boot off so he cut it off with scissors...
16) While Hannah was riding in Madame Shopping Cart, Eric rolled her into Plaid Pantry.
17) India explained to the clerk at Plaid, that "they were just married", as if this justified why he was pushing her in a shopping cart into the store.
18) John posed on the overpass and a cop asked him what he was doing.
19) Fannie Mae sang and threw jello shots?

Poem

It is the wonder pill
you guess
caused cancer
in your hands
anonymously influencing
your separate cells
to change
into
what was
pleasant
what was
madness
what was
red tinted happy pain
the disease before
the cure the loss before
the gain as subtle
as these chalkboard nails
screeching their new fashion sound
to one who is just beginning to appreciate such tastes
unknowingly creeping
into your preference
lifting you
into absinthe lunacy
you are thrown.